Today is 1st of September, 2025. Last day was one of the many days which I have spent in futile manner and hopefully the last in this continuous 2 year cycle.
Howdy, I am the author of this blog, and have been currently preparing for UPSC (half heartedly) from 2023, without any massive success.
Everyday blows away like a breeze without any massive productivity.
My struggles which I am facing right now are
- spending too much time on my devices and social media
- over consumption of porn, food, etc.
- massive lack of drive and motivation
- not much attraction toward material stuff
My dopamine neurons are fried because of overstimulation so any idea of doing boring work, causes a wave of pain in my system.
I have found many solution after referring many advices, books, etc. but have been unable to implement any of them and now seeing behind all this mess, I am realizing that the problem is my lack of intent or desire to bring the change to my life.
Philosophical struggle of life:
- absurdism of life: Is anything we are doing, going to impact the world in long term. The answer is no. So, for what should I be working so hard. Everything seems meaningless, so I have become a lazy bum.
- when push comes to shove, I try to avoid hard work and get pass through minimum effort possible.
What are the plausible solutions
- just accepting that i have to work so that I can be successful and become the best in my field
- virtuosity without power is as futile as a gun without any bullet, which is completely useless.
- I have been handed this absurd life by nature an its up to me to provide it a meaning.
- trying to reduce/minimize external stimulation so I can better use my limited motivation on the important things.
Anyway, I will be using this blog as a journal of each day, and will summarise how I spent that day and what was the progress and some insights.
daily contemplation 